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+Moving On+ by ~Narien:iconNarien:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Spiritual > Open


Moving On.

A tiny portal into the past, a door for tiny feet,
A fleeting glance into the window, the covers made and neat;
Frozen in time, a hand reached to, a mind reached back until,
Tiny thoughts reach tiny hands, the same lines cross once again, yet and still.

A time ago, a time to show ,to showcase in your room,
The cobwebs now creep, the people they sleep
In slumber meant for one. Forever. Immobile.
Who opens the door? Who wakens the past?
It’s all just part of moving on…
©2006-2009 ~Narien
Details
Submitted: December 4, 2006
File Size: 659 bytes
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Comments: 26
Favourites & Collections: 4 [who?]

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Author's Comments

No homework tonight, and I feel weird....i mean... No Homework?!!! So i wrote this. It's strange, no-one prolly gets it, but that's poems for ya. It's about a dollshouse...sorta..:| yeah :nod:
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Comments


~madness-live:iconmadness-live: Dec 4, 2006, 1:08:36 PM
i like this...hard to explain why, but i do :)

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visit my stock account too! ~madness-live-stock
~GodsLilTurnish:iconGodsLilTurnish: Dec 4, 2006, 3:34:09 PM
It's AWESOME! I love the flow. The only thing I could think of, Advanced-Critique-wise, is maybe changing "the covers all made and neat" to "the covers made and neat", to get a more fluid, well, flow.

I'uno, that's just me being analytical. But aside from that little thing, this is truly rockin'! =3

... Yes, I just said "rockin'". D:

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I would rather see people in heaven with broken toes, because I stepped all over them, than see people in hell with perfect feet because I was too afraid of offending them.
~Narien:iconNarien: Dec 4, 2006, 11:22:06 PM
aww thanks for the fav :D :hug:
means a lot

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Narien.
~Narien:iconNarien: Dec 4, 2006, 11:23:59 PM
ooooh thankies and yeah i get ya...that line is a bit iffy hehe
i think i might change it ;P tis a good idea *hugs*
dankeschon :P

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Narien.
~tenderDreams:icontenderDreams: Dec 5, 2006, 5:58:55 AM
nice .. you brought your feelings out very good it has been a long time ago since i wrode a poem .. you inspired me to wright one =P .

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~LordTakeshi:iconLordTakeshi: Dec 5, 2006, 8:50:13 AM
Maybe change 'the people do sleep' to 'people sleep'? It sounds like it would fit.

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*Witty remark or song lyric*
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~Narien:iconNarien: Dec 5, 2006, 9:12:34 AM
oooooh fantastic :D
I'd love to see it

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Narien.
~Narien:iconNarien: Dec 5, 2006, 9:12:55 AM
oooh okay lol..i was feeling like a farmer there xD

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Narien.
~LordTakeshi:iconLordTakeshi: Dec 5, 2006, 9:14:56 AM
Oi do larve a good foimer

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*Witty remark or song lyric*
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